I have been seeing a girl and we were at a point in our relationship where someone had to bring up the issue - marriage, as no one is getting any younger. We decided to talk before deciding either way. We headed into a garden which was ideal place for the discussion.
The girl(G), by the way is well qualified and well paid.
Here is how our conversation went
G: So, if we get married how you want it to work?
Me: Yeah, regarding that I have to confess to you some of my ideas about how our marriage is going to work. I donot plan to work full-time after we get married, instead I will be a house husband, taking care of the house-hold issues like cooking, laundry etc. I may continue working partime, working on and off.
So I guess, since you already have a high paying job, you can continue with your job and we will have enough money to get this going.
G: Really? I am shocked! (after pausing for a while) how about your own expenses, if you are going to have any?.
Me: Apart from the family I need little money for myself, incase if I need I will do some part time job for that.
G: Are your sure this will work out?
Me: Yeah, if not, I can find work, its not going to be a big deal.
G: Ok, then this changes many things that we need to discuss, we need to talk about dowry.
Me: Well, I am not a big fan of this concept. Even if I were, this is hitting below the belt, you know I can't really demand,
... ask dowry.
G: Well, you misunderstood me, I am asking how much dowry are you going to bring into our family?.
(This time, I am shocked)
Me: You must be kidding!
G: No, I am serious. Look, family is like a business, each member must carry the burden equally to reap benefits equally.
Now, obviously you can't provide a continuous source of income, now in that case you have to bring in enough capital so the
burden is equally shared.
(While I am aghast listening to this, she continues)
G: Since you work at home, we can probably compensate for that and agree on a number. There is a reason why the partice of
dowry is still on, people have done it out of some reason, you see?
Me: (Still recovering from the shock) ya, but I always thought marriage was something in which materialistic inputs donot
have much effect. Its about having some one to spend your life with, to share your emotions. Your spouse is someone you share
the special bond, which is beyond words. Marriage is supposed to be a joyous union of two people who commit to each other for
life, is pain and in gain.
G: Please donot get me wrong, but you see that I can have all these with a man who earns to support the family? There has to
be a reason to pick someone in favor of other. You probably are deluded, we live in real world, not in some imaginary ideal
world.
Me: Love is supposed to be selfless..., it is supposed to be blind to material assets and it certainly is not about choice or
picking.
G: I think the situation is getting tense, why dont we talk about something other than dowry.
Me: I feel same, lets talk about something else.
G: I know that you are a vegetarian, but I am not.
Me: As I clarified before, I donot believe in killing innocent animals capable of suffering pain, for food, while we have
healthy alternatives. But, ofcourse I dont have any problem with you being a non-vegetarian.
G: (nonchalantly) Thats all ok, but how about you cooking non-veg for me. Is that something you can do?
Me: No, I cant cook non-veg, while I dont have any problem if you eat it, but we can see how it goes.
G: Also, looking at the situation, its does not llok like its necessary to tell you but I will anyway. I am an occasional
smoker and I guess it should be ok. Also, I drink occasionally.
Me: While, those are not good for health, we can work on those aspects.
After this conversation we both decided to give it some time and thought and agreed to put off the decision making.
